13 Sep HOW TO BE SUCCESSFUL AND HAPPY – No, you DON’T have to choose!
Recently I have noticed in the media that there has been questioned whether we can actually ‘have it all’ – in other words, be successful and happy. Many are even warning that we have to choose success if we want a big career and that our personal happiness will, well, just have to wait.
As a best-selling author of a book about happiness for women and a success mentor now for over 18 years I beg to differ. You don’t have to choose, you have never had to choose and I will give you a step by step, clear pathway to happiness and success in ALL areas of your life.
Seem like an impossibly high ambition? Or does it just feel like it is impossible for you?
That’s the first issue we need to discuss…if you feel that you are not worthy for success and happiness, then you will never achieve them. OR if you put massive obstacles in your way, or put off either (especially happiness), then you will struggle to get there.
Here is the first stepping stone towards both – you deserve both and you deserve both NOW!
Nothing has to happen, there is nothing that you have to do first to be worthy of them. They are there if you want them and so let go of the ‘it’s ok for everyone else except me’crap.
The next step is to Get Clear…
Next define what both are to you. What do they mean to you personally? Avoid generalities and other people’s ideas of what they mean. In order for you to get a personal attachment and therefore commitment then you have to have a clear and honest picture of what they both signify in your life.
It is easy to rehash ancient and clichéd versions of success and happiness, because they are both depicted for us everywhere in movies, adverts and the media. But to get clear you have to think deeply and imagine what would make you feel successful and what would make you happy. Go all out, think BIG and don’t limit yourself. Think freely and openly, be adventurous and see the freedom and potential breakthroughs held within this exercise because you may surprise yourself.
Next Dial G for Guilt..
It never ceases to amaze me how good women are at feeling guilty, especially when it comes to doing something for ourselves. This can be one of the main joy-killers in that as soon as we try to improve our lives some way, be happier or step into our power, we suddenly get a rush of guilt. Remember guilt only has a hold on you if you let it. I gave up guilt years ago and haven’t looked back since, I highly recommend it!
Perfection is the Enemy…
Growing up in our house meant you often heard two phrases, one was ‘well done everybody’, which could be said at almost every occasion from a wedding to a simple picnic or walk…the other was ‘it’ll do!’ – this was often used by my mother when one of her demanding children was insisting on something better. Well she was right…sometimes it will do…for now anyway. Seeking perfection is a fool’s errand and possibly one of the biggest reasons we set ourselves up for (so called) failure. We know perfect doesn’t exist so why hold out for it. You’ll do, it’ll d, so get going!
Fog and Folly…
Often when we want to do something, achieve something or move on in life the will might be there but not necessarily the way. This dilemma can keep us stuck for years and we wait and wait hoping that soon eventually all will be revealed. The way can be a winding road, yes, but it can also be something that is staring you in the face. Get clear on WHAT you want and then work out the very first baby step you would need to take to get just the bit closer.
Don’t let overwhelm fool you. Bring everything down to a size you can manage and place your goals firmly within these steps. The folly would be to take on too much too soon or to be a non-starter. Quick wins and the feeling of success and progress come where you know where you are heading and what the small steps are to get there.
Coming on in Leaps and Bounds
There are many rules of success, but let’s start with two really powerful ones you need to know before you set about creating your shiny life. First, is that success never happens in isolation. No one can be successful on their own, we all need help along the way and so define what help you need and then fine the best source. The other equally powerful rule is that success never happens in an instant. So called ‘overnight sensations’ are a myth because if you look a little deeper into these stories you’ll most likely see years of hard work, preparation and determination.
In saying that leaps forward can be made, but they have to be planned for with a clear agenda and entered into with courage and lots of energy.
Now, Align the Stars!
When it comes to bringing success and happiness together you have to remember one thing…your values. When you know what they are and base every decision on honouring them, then you can reach that magic spot where the stars align and you receive an abundance of both success and happiness.
Knowing what you value and why, and making sure these serve you positively – and that they are YOUR values and not adopted from anyone else is what we all call in the business, ‘self-awareness’ or the start of it anyway. This is the key to everything. Because one the best and most ancient of sayings is to ‘know thyself’ – a simple yet super-powerful statement. When you know who you truly are (and this excludes pretending or faking it), and when you know what you want (authentically) and why you want it, then you determine your pathway towards it, is the essence of success and happiness.
Success comes in achieving the baby steps and building momentum and the happiness comes from the clarity of it all and the feeling of making achievements, big and small on a regular basis.
I know from raw experience that in order to have it all, having it all needs to seem real and obtainable for you. And then you have to chip away at it every day. This in itself may seem like a big task, but let me ask you this…what else do you want to spend your time doing? In other words, what ELSE is worth your time and energy, if not this?